This year’s word has been stirring in me for several weeks now.

It started back in October on the 15th, which happens to be Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. This day holds special meaning for me because of our own experiences with loss but also because of dear friends and their stories. Because of the Lord’s testimony of faithfulness and goodness through my losses, normally this day serves as a reminder of those things, but this year was different.

As I read story after story on Facebook, I became gripped with fear. I was flooded with fear about my pregnancy and labor and SIDS and something happening to my babies. I said things to myself that were untrue and unbiblical like “4 babies is too many for them all to be healthy and live long lives and all grow up and love Jesus”.

These fears and lies continued unchecked for a couple weeks (yes weeks). They ate at me and I was a wreck inside. Until one day as I was getting into the shower the Lord rescued me. (Aren’t we so glad the Lord’s rescues are waterproof??) Quickly this verse flooded my mind “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom” (Proverbs 9:10). I love this verse for a lot of reasons, but what it did for me in the moment was convict me for my really bad perspective in fearing the wrong things.

That verse reminded me of who He is– the life-giver. Every life that enters this world and every life that leaves this world is filtered through HIS hands regardless of me. As parents we are constantly trying to walk in wisdom and make wise choices and this verse lays out how to do that… To fear Him. Not fear things that I have no control over.

So ever since that shower, every time I have been tempted to fear (because of course those fears didn’t magically disappear), I remember that verse and say it to myself and pray and ask the Lord to rescue me again.

Because of this, I contemplated the words “fear” or “wisdom” being my word for the year but they never settled or felt right. Then, a couple days before Archer’s birthday, I became overwhelmingly afraid of dying in childbirth. I remembered my verse and I was praying but I couldn’t shake the fear all day. I woke up the next morning and the first thing that came to mind is what the Angels said to the shepherds “Fear not! I bring you good news of great JOY that will be for all people…” And again, a perspective shift. A reminder, that Jesus came as a tiding of great joy for all people… That’s me! I’m included in the all people. I shouldn’t fear because JESUS! And he came to BE joy!! Not only did this help me get a grip on the fear, but it redeemed my fear into something to bring Him glory: Joy.

Would love to hear your words/goals for the year too! Happy 2015!